Ever Tried to Write Your Own Eulogy? This is Why You Should.

Today I Googled myself. I built a portfolio not long ago at karabyrne.com and I wanted to see what the latest search results looked like.

On page four, I came across an obituary with my name on it. First and last. The snippet of info below read, “Daughter of ______ & ______, Kara was an avid soccer player and…” I couldn’t bring myself to click on the link to read the rest.

I’m not a silly person. I know it wasn’t actually written about me. Nonetheless, the world post-me flashed before my eyes. I suddenly saw my parents struggling to convey the meaning of my life in a few paragraphs for the local paper. I involuntarily imagined which of my accomplishments people would remember if I went five minutes from now. I used to play soccer, too. I was an average athlete, so it likely wouldn’t make the list. What would? What memorable things have I done? What do I mean to the people closest to me?

Would this prompt you to ask yourself the same questions? Here’s an interesting exercise: try writing your own eulogy.

It’ll make for a morbid few minutes, but attempting to summarize the significance of your existence to date will put a spotlight on what the hell it is you’re doing here. Or at least what you’ve done here so far. If you’re beaming with pride when you’re done, great. All you have to do now is set yourself up to stay aligned with that purpose, whatever it is. If your auto-eulogy fell a little flat, try approaching it again with your ideal eulogy in mind.

If you could be a fly on the wall at your own funeral, who would you hope to see? What would you hope to hear? What stories would people tell?

Did you bravely travel the world like you always said you would?

Did you stand up for equality and lead by example and pave the way for the generation of women behind you?

Did you truly, honestly earn that ‘#1 Dad’ mug that sits on your desk in the office that you sincerely love showing up to every day?

Did you light up the room, smile at strangers, give back to your community, transform your life or someone else’s, find a way to love and laugh through the scary stuff that came your way? Did you live your life the way you wanted to without apologizing for it?

This exercise is not about a hypothetical celebration of life headcount or a measure of social status after you’ve… departed. This is about your legacy — the moments in your life that should matter to you and to the people that make you feel like you matter, so they can be remembered with love long after you’re gone.

If your right-now eulogy doesn’t look anything like your superstar eulogy, don’t worry. You’re still here. You have time to re-write it.

Start with a role reversal. What would you put in the eulogies of the ones you love? (Maybe make a mental list — a premature eulogy is probably not something you want to put on paper).

Go through that list in your mind and with each item, ask yourself one question: “Have I told this person this is what they mean to me?” If not, you need to go to that person and recite everything on that list.

Think about it, a eulogy is just a present-day love letter written one day too late. It’s everything you probably should have told this person but instead, you’re reading it to a room full of people on a very sad day.

Don’t wait until you’re writing someone’s eulogy to start thinking about and talking about everything that makes them special to you.

Let this be your first step to making sure that when you go, you’ll be at peace with what’s written in your own after-life love letter.